Lego shop language explained

[Val-E]

Was thinking today about the actual meaning of some of the language Lego uses to market its products and started to come up with a list. If anyone has any more examples or explanations, it would be great to share them!

LIMITED EDITION (We will produce as many of these as we can until people stop buying them and to screw with resellers´ brains)

RETIRING SOON (We have far too many unsold units out back due to pesky resellers inflating our initial sales estimates. Come on guys, buy them now so we don´t have to discount them)

EXTRA VIP POINTS ON THIS ITEM (I thought we told you it was retiring soon. Are you dumb? Come on now, buy a few and don´t make us have to discount it).

SALES AND DEALS (Ok, you made us do it. Take 50% off all sold out items and 10% off Chima. There, now don´t keep complaining that Lego is expensive - it´s not Megablocks. Are you a reseller or something?)

VIP REWARD POINTS (Like any addictive substance, this will make you keep coming back for more  and more from us. And as with drugs, when you pass away, there will still be some left in the system)

EXCLUSIVE (These products have a high PPC count and are usually not available outside the Lego web for the first 3 or 4 months since release. After that, anyone except the riff raff at Amazon can sell them)

ARCHITECTURE (These products have an even higher PPC count and are so expensive that we actually need the riff raff at Amazon to sell them. Mainly bought by adults who live in mansions and employ domestic servants to open the box and sort the parts for them)

CLASSIC (Our designers have better things to do than dream up new sets all day. Here, take these random bricks and make your own stuff).

IDEAS (When you get good at CLASSIC, send us your best models and we will put them in a shiny box and sell them to greedy resellers for you. (See LIMITED EDITION)

RETIRED PRODUCT (You won´t ever be able to buy this from us again - unless it is a XMAS set or we decide to unretire it).

SOLD OUT (Resellers, we are mocking you! Is it retired or just out of stock? You will be making long car journeys and spending hours on the net trying to make your number - enjoy your weekend!)

TEMPORARILY OUT OF STOCK (This item has become more popular than we estimated or those pesky resellers have been at it again. We will probably make more in a few weeks time so be patient and buy Chima in the meantime)

CALL TO CHECK FOR AVAILABILITY (Laszlo from the warehouse says there are none left down there but the computer says we have a couple of boxes more. I think they are in the boss´s office but he is in there with the secretary so we have to wait a while till they go out for lunch to check)

Edited June 24, 2015 by valenciaeric

[Guest brickcrazyhouse]

funny and true

[Patrick_lkc]

OMG, now I know the language

[Val-E]

More:

CITY (An accurate scaled down representation of typical daily life in your average small Danish town. Since the Lego movie came out, Lego staff travel everywhere in helicopters - even to buy a loaf of bread,  so we wanted to incorporate that in the 2015 range. In fact, we are so rich that we build new Fire, Police and Train Stations every 3 years even though the old ones were perfectly fine)

BIONICLE (What happens to parts from Technic and Ninjago sets that dont sell well but we are too proud to discount or throw out)

STAR WARS (Our core product line. In Danish, this is actually pronounced like the sound of the bottom of a barrel being scraped with the sound of a cash register ching-chinging in the background) 

SHOP AT HOME (Few people know that this was the idea behind Minecraft. You wander aimlessly from one empty link to another and when you finally find what you want and are able to click on it, it is out of stock. At peak times of the year, we recommend you place orders after everyone else has in order to ensure fulfillment)

Edited June 24, 2015 by valenciaeric

[Ciglione]

 

HARD TO FIND (It is really hard and difficult to find a retailer that does not carry this set. If you find one, let us know, so we make sure they will carry it in the near future) 

[Val-E]

FRIENDS (Enjoy recreating the adventures of a typical girl and her friends - when the typical girl is Taylor Swift and her B list celebrity hanger on girlfriends. Learn the importance of your private jet on the environment as you leave a carbon footprint the size of a grizzly bear and enjoy living in a modern penthouse and being pampered at the local Entitlement Salon while those Disney Princess losers are stuck in their castles waiting for some dude to save them).

LONE RANGER (Eat that you reseller scum. You thought investing in Lego was easy. You thought you were going to make lots of money doing nothing and off the back of our hard work. Well, losers have this one on us. Heck, we´ll even discount it for you). See CHIMA, EXO SUIT etc etc

MIXELS (The idea behind this came from a very sweet story. Our marketing manager once had two rabbits. They lived in the same cage and one day when she went to feed them she found another 10 rabbits! How wonderful, she thought, I love rabbits and now I have 12. 4 months later, 12 more rabbits appeared. Super, I love rabbits, she thought. Everyone loves rabbits and the great thing about rabbits is they all look more or less the same but the devil is in the detail - a bit like Lego bricks. EUREKA!! The idea got put into production and she went to the Heartlake VIP cocktail bar with her FRIENDS to celebrate)

LEGENDS OF CHIMA (According to the legend, somehow, somewhere, a reseller actually made money on this theme on the secondary market. No one has ever been able to establish for sure the identity of the person though many claim to be him. It is also belived that the buyer mistook the item Sir Fangar´s Lion Cycle for a Surfing Lion on a Unicycle and made a claim to Paypal for INAD)

Edited June 24, 2015 by valenciaeric

[Grynn]

LIMIT 5 (There is really no limit, we need to sell all of these that we can, but need to maintain the illusion of control at all times, and put measures in place to deal with resellers as necessary)

LIMIT 2 (We still want to sell a lot of these but cannot let resellers have all of them, so, yeah)

LIMIT 1 (This set just came out and we want to make fairly certain resellers get them all and profit for a couple months before granting the general public access at normal retail prices)

[Brickson]

CALL TO CHECK FOR AVAILABILITY (Laszlo from the warehouse says there are none left down there but the computer says we have a couple of boxes more. I think they are in the boss´s office but he is in there with the secretary so we have to wait a while till they go out for lunch to check)

Best.

 

[Val-E]

IT IS IN OUR BEST INTEREST NOT TO SERVE YOU (WTF man, you actually  accumulated enough VIP points to buy a Death Star at full retail? This is a clear abuse of our system whereby VIP points should always a) expire before use b.) be rounded down or divided by ten or in any other way we see fit so as to be entirely useless c) not be available on the web due right now due to technical (mis)function. Go somwehere else to buy your wares you reselling scoundrel - preferably an offiical B+M Lego shop where our expert and knowledgeble staff will be able to provide you with 100% inaccurate information about futue production schedules).

Edited June 24, 2015 by valenciaeric

[Val-E]

CHANGE REGION - (Hey, hey hey! Ever wanted to know exactly how the other side lives? Click here in order to get a peak at promos, special offers and prices that you will never, ever be able to have in your own country. And don´t try pretending you are from another area, we have you all worked out. This isn´t Amazon y´all, our regional pricing is adapted to ensure your level of poverty).